urgent - my mother and i

i wanted to ask you what i should do. i am 27 years old and live by myself. in the past year or two i have come to the realization that my mother, though financially providing and attentive, has caused me a lot of damage through the years. she makes me feel very bad about myself and i wonder - if she has always been doing that, how was i defending myself as a little girl when i cant do it now? she makes me feel bad about myself by sending me a msg that i dont have a right to feel things the way i do...that i should be different and that will be much better...very indirectly though (example: i am writing the Bar exams and if i talk to her and tell he that i am tired she will say "what do you have to be tired about , many people write the exams and they are not tired" this type of behavior has been going on since i was a small child. she was always taking me go to psychologists and i grew up thinking that there is something wrong with me. i still do - i feel like everyone else is better than me (and i am very accomplished)...i feel that i say the wrong things and that i am not interesting...that i have no right to feel feelings that i do and i think you get the picture. i am a beautiful woman with a loving boyfriend and many friends but i cant get over these dark feelings...i have began to take some steps by trying to not involve her so much in my life so that no criticsm will come at me and i talk to my father (they are married) more because he never questions my personality and makes me feel great. part of the problem is that she has began to notice lately that i dont call her directly and keep her involved...she has already asked about it and i dont want to hurt her by telling her - you make me feel horrible about myself - i have vivid memories of her treating me like this as a child example - i came to her with a good mark in second grade (kita bet)and it wasnt something i was getting everyday...she looked at me and said "well what do you want me to say...it should always be like that" i felt like nothing at that moment...) i am sorry for the long email but can you help me? what should i do about me and about my relationship with her? i am hurting so much...for so long...

שירה שלום אי אפשר שלא להרגיש את הכאב הרב שבו את כותבת את ההודעה. כנראה שההתרחקות מאמך בנסיון לא להיפגע אינה כה פשוטה. אני מתאר לעצמי שהמפגש הכואב עימה מעלה עוד סדרה של דברים כואבים אחרים, כמו העובדה שאת לבד ואולי מתלבטת בצמתים שונים של החיים. אינני יודע אם פנית בעבר לטיפול אבל ההמלצה שאוכל לתת לך היא לפנות לטיפול פסיכולוגי ולנסות לעבד את הדברים הכואבים כדי להגיע לצמיחה וגדילה מתוך הקושי. אני לא בטוח שתצליחי כעת להתמודד עם הקשר איתה ועם שאר הדברים בעצמך וחשוב שתקבלי הנחיה והכוונה מתאימים. כל טוב ד"ר אורן קפלן