i am afraid...................

i know u didn"t see me here too often but i realy hope u"ll fine some good words for me............... in a few days i am comming back to israel after not being there 8 months... for the new people here - i tried to kill my slef about 2 years ago , left the army after 1 year of service ( or should i say - they made ma leave...) and than - being lost , confused , and desperate - i have decided to save money and go somewhere else - maybe this will help me to find some answers or a meening for me to live and also - i htought for my self - well , if i don"t like what i see here - i should go and see if it is diffrent in other places - and i am not talking onlly about the situation in israel - even though it sure adds for the bad feeling , i am talking just a bout the difrent ways of lifes that our world offering us - and unfortunatly - i still didn"t find hte right one for me.... well , any way - this is the backround , now - i am suppose to go back after being here was the best thing i could do for my self - i am afraid that being back home will drag me down again , i feel like " parachti" here and afraid i"ll lose it...... it is going to be hard to give up on the freedom after u tasted it - and comming back to israel - iam afraid it will be like waking up in to the reality after dreaming a sweet dream........... well....this is too long now , hope u"ll find patiant to read it.......... hope i have made myself clear - i have such a mess in my head... thanks anat

היי ענת, ענת את לא יודעת לכתוב בעיברית?? אני לא מבינה אנגלית-חבל. אולי מישהו יכול לתרגם לי בבקשה... יום טוב כוכבית

הי ענת, זה כל כך מובן שיש לך חששות בקשר לשיבה הביתה. במיוחד לאור העובדה, שכשהיית בארץ, דברים לא כל כך הסתדרו לך. למה באמת את רוצה לחזור בדיוק עכשיו ? האם את חייבת לחזור או עושה זאת מרצון ? בכל מקרה, אאחל לך שתשובי לשלום, שתמצאי כאן מישהו נורא נורא נחמד, ותחיו יחד באושר ובעושר, ויהיו לכם ילדים נחמדים, ומה עוד ? בהצלחה, נסיעה טובה ביי

hi shlomi......................... first thing - i wanted to say thank u for writing me back - and if u can do me a favore pleas - say thanx in my name for cochavit for her good intetntions..... i guess the other people here didn"t find the right words for me......and also the doctors choose to avoid this message................. why am i comming back - ? basicly - because it is my younger's sister "bat - mizva" in 3 weeks and also - my viza is about to end.............. more generaly - i have no idea why am i comming back and what teh ehll i am going to do next in my life................... i wish things were easier and more simple//////////////////////////////