BP Disorder

Dear Dr. Rubenstein, I suffer from BPD AND last week had a relapse resulting in intense shopping sprees, AND spending large sums of money, while even helping myself to unpaid for accessories with no reservations at all. Needless to say I don't need most of the stuff AND most definetely can afford to pay for the items I took, but nonetheless I chose to take them anyway. I realize I must call my doctor but cannot get myself to do so, however I will be seeing her in a couple of days. I guess its this relapse that upsets me from approaching her as I am in the course of reducing the medication AND under the circumstances I am sure she won't be doing so in the upcoming visit. Meanwhile my husband who was away, has returned from his business trip AND we discussed the complications of last week which to his opinion is also connected to his being away. Despite the aforementioned, I cancelled my meetings with my psychotherapist as I felt most uncomfortable to admit to her my misgivings re. theft of accessories in parallel with my intense AND expensive shopping sprees. Subsequent to my husband's return I have managed to get some decent sleep, thereby reflecting on my entire constitution AND once again feel in control, that is to say that the episode has past. But, somehow I can't get myself to fix a meeting with my therapist in the usual setting. I (once again) seem to associate the therapy room to a "confession-persecution" venue, AND suddenly feel sick AND tired of the same room AND setting which feels equivalent to a prison AND all I lack for, are hand-cuffs. I would very much like at least one single session to take place in some open place like a park, near the ocean, etc., I have felt this way in the past but have been fine for the past 2 years AND yet the feeling of confinement has once again returned. Do you believe in changing the venue on a one term basis if the patient could benefit from this especially if we are dealing here with long term therapy? I personally feel that despite the strict guidelines of therapy some modicfication to meet the patient's needs won't hurt, do you agree? Hope you have a good week end Kind regards A

Dear Anna, Changing the therapy setting for one time wouldn't hurt AND I am sure that if you explain the need for the change you are asking to your therapist she would understand. I can't guarantee, though, that she will agree to that. Had I been her, I would have seen you one more time in the regular setting, trying to understand what stands behind your wish for the change. It sounds that now more than ever you need outside bounaries put by your therapist, as you seem to partially loosing them. From this aspect the regular setting is more appropriate at this point of time. Take care, Dr. Gidi Rubinstein http://giditherapy.com

Dear Gidi, Thank you for your honest response AND in fact all you say makes a lot of sense. I admit I myself have no idea why out of the blue the issue of the prison/hand cuffs has reoccurred leading me to believe I need another kind of therapy OR setting. Perhaps both my psychiatrist AND psychotherapist are right in interupting that its mainly to do with the fact that I am constantly testing my relationship with those closest to me. Why now, actually I needn't even ask, I know the answer to that one myself. Would you perhaps share your opinion with me, whether the act of taking OR shoplifting those accessories are in fact connected with the BPD OR the borderline personality disorder. I may have initially acted on impulse but later I was quite aware of what I was engaged in but could not stop. In the past when I was down in the pits I'd resolve to smoking marijuana which had immediate affect but eventually would lead to AND accelerate the depressive episode It took ages to get over this bad patch AND now instead of turning to the drug I astrayed even worse. I shared my fear of being caught with my husband AND said I wished I'd turned to the drug instead but he said something quite right had I injured OR killed someone while driving under the influence of drugs I'd be in a much worse situation than if I'm caught shoplifting. I am 46 why is this happening? Is it the adrenaline rush I need from time to time? Have you known other BPD patients with similar tendencies? Thank you for your professional opinion Kind regards S I am an S really not an A